15 Aug

A most magical question …

Filed under: Mental Health One Response

Teach - Love - Motivate

It may not be a “secret” discovered from behind the locker room doors of our professional athletes, nor is it anything the medical staff has ever spoken of, but it sure is one of the keys that can unlock an emotional door.

“How do you know when you are loved?”

Strange as it may seem, not many people take the time to understand what makes a person feel loved. Even YOU may not realize what moves you towards that sensation of short and long term adoration.

Mushy subject?

Yes, but a vital one.
It can move emotional mountains.
Knowing the answer to this simple question can inspire even the most hard-nosed, emotionless, out of touch, empty hearted soul.

There are so many ways to express your love for some, yet we often end up missing the mark after several years, months or even days.

You can say I love you a thousand times; yet, a person will come back with … “You don’t love me anymore.” This can certainly feed the frustration of a troubled relationship.

Making passionate love to another may not symbolize that you’re in love … but holding their hand during a casual walk could suggest greater intimacy to a romantic relationship.

Actually, in retrospect, this may translate as a pearl of wisdom found among some of the greatest coaches I’ve ever served a team with. There happens to be an element of coaching that allows your athlete to know that your heart is in the right place. Knowing how to get the most out of human performance is embedded in the care and concern you have for that player, along with the right strategy. They will do more for you when they know you truly care about them and not just about the victory.

Same with employees!
Same with the military!
Same with your loved ones!

So how do we elicit the valuable information?
The other day, I asked my two boys to answer our “Question of the day.” (For the last half of the summer, they’ve been given a question each morning that will provoke creativity, memory and hand writing skills).
“How do you know when someone loves you?”
Their answers were remarkable!

The six year old:
1) When she follows you
2) When she hugs you precisely (yes, I fell off my chair with that one)
3) When she talks about you (I’m sure he meant it to be in a good way)
4) When she stares at you

The 10 year old:
1) When someone kisses you
2) When someone asks if you love me
3) When someone calls or texts you a lot
4) When you are on a date
5) When you are really nice to someone

Did these little guys just give me the road map to their hearts?
It certainly removed any question of whether I need to buy them gifts, or send them flowers or any of the other interpretations we think love means to another person.

Now, am I saying to walk up to your stoic, expressionless and impenetrable partner and ask, “What allows you to know someone loves you?” Probably not, but maybe you could ask about the story of when they last experienced love, how did it look, feel or sound?

Try these questions:
– What was the best way you’ve ever been coached?
– How was the best boss you’ve ever had?
– If you had a great leader or mentor, what did they do to make you feel special or inspired?

Try it; you may be surprised at what you find out.
If you know someone who is having issues with a relationship, forward this article to them. At the same time, tell me what allowed you to feel totally loved.


Doc B

Written on August 15 2010 and is filed under Mental Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “A most magical question …”

Doris B.

Great point that merits it’s worthiness.

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